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18 June 2008 @ 02:27 am

My fast totally failed today. I was doing great until like 7pm when I got home from my session with my therapist my mother insisted that I sit down with the family for dinner. So I had to eat and then I just couldn't stop. It was stupid. On the bright side, I only ate fruits and vegetables....but I still ate and I was supposed to be on a fast. Lame. I'm going to try again on Sunday. I would try again tomorrow, but I have to eat on days I have work or else I will certainly pass out at work and that would be just terrible. I work 5 days this week. I had off today and I have off Sunday.

I'm also excited because I'm in the process of getting together a care package for a group of U.S. Navy sailors. I found this site that you've probably heard of, AnySailor.com and sailors register there and say what they need and you can request their address and send them a package. I think it's pretty cool. If you have the time you should definitely check it out. They also have links set up so you can send stuff to people in other branches of the military too, not just the navy.

That's all for tonight. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist at 10:30am in the city so that means that I'm going to have to leave my house by like 9:30 if I even want to think about making it through traffic on the highway and catching the train to get there on time. Bleh. I don't know why I took such an early appointment. That was dumb. I'll check it tomorrow. 

15 June 2008 @ 11:59 pm
My good fast was followed by a great day. I broke fast at noon. 36 hours total, which is what I was aiming for. I like short fasts because I'm so paranoid about slowing down my already turtle-speed metabolism. 118 lbs. I can deal with that for today. I want to be 115 by this time next week. A real 115, not a dehydrated 115.
14 June 2008 @ 10:23 pm
 I had such a wonderful day today. Fasted. It was great.
14 June 2008 @ 02:46 am
 I'm so lazy about posting here. Geez.
I got an email from the proanorexia community saying that my application got accepted to the group. Now I just have to wait for them to actually accept my request to join the community. That makes me really happy because...I don't know. I guess I feel like I can belong there. I did finally get into the waiting room group, which I must admit is pretty cool. I like posting there.
In other news, I'm a huge fatass. I just have no control at all. I'm going from anorexia to bulimia (binging + laxative abuse, not vomiting) and it's pretty damn disgusting. I can't bare to step on the scale because I'm so terrified that it will say a number that I don't like and I'll just freak out. My therapist keeps telling me that I'm doing so good and that she's so proud of me. I don't know why. I'm worse than ever. At least when I was restricting I had some sort of control over what I was eating. Now I'm completly out of control. I hate it. I hate myself.
Tomorrow = FAST.
Sunday...we'll see what is to come for Sunday.
09 June 2008 @ 12:12 am

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Going to La Salle for orientation tomorrow. :) Can't fucking wait to get out of this fucking house.

Countdown To La Salle!