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06 September 2008 @ 12:13 am
back (and fat)  
Jesus. Well, it finally happened. All of this starving and restricting and binging and laxative abuse finally caught up with me. I got really thin (which was awesome) and I got really sick (which was not so awesome). I almost died, but I didn't. I'm mostly glad I didn't die, but sometimes I almost wish that I did because I simply cannot deal with all of the weight I gained while my body was healing. It's really fucking disgusting. I was probably down to around 110 lbs when I got really sick, which isn't even really THAT skinny since I'm just under 5'8". I haven't been able to look at the scale in the past week or so, but I estimate I'm probably around 130 lbs now. It's just unacceptable. So I need to lose this weight as soon as possible. I'm planning on fasting tomorrow (technically today since it's 12:30 am) and possibly Sunday just to start with a clean slate. I also took two laxatives after I ate today so I can really be empty by Monday. These are the rules starting Monday though.
- No food before 4 pm. Ever.
- No food after 9 pm. Ever.
- No food within 3 hours of waking up or 3 hours of going to sleep. (Ex: If I wake up at 2 pm, I can't eat until 5 pm. If I plan on going to sleep a 11 pm, I can't eat after 8 pm.)
- 500 calories is the absolute maximum on any given day.
- Fruits and vegetables do not have limits (aside from the under 500 calories rule).
- Rice cakes may be consumed, but no more than 4 in a single day.
- Oatmeal may be consumed, but only plain or low sugar maple flavors. No more than 2 of the plain flavors OR 1 of the low sugar maple flavors may be consumed in a single day.
- Low calories tofu is acceptable up to 200 calories a maximum of 1 day each week.
- Only fruits, vegetable, and calorie-free drinks may be consumed in the dining halls.
- Avoid eating with people as often as possible.
- Sugarfree gum is acceptable in reasonable amounts.
- Coffee and tea is acceptable with calorie-free sweetener in unlimited amounts. 1/4 cup of almond  or soy milk may be added to chai tea, but no more than two servings of chai tea may be consumed in a single day.
- No energy drinks. (Unless I want a heart attak.)
- NEVER miss a dose of vyvanse. (Pretty much like adderall. Thanks ADD.)
- Diet soda is acceptable in unlimited amounts.
- At least 2 liters of pure water must be consumed daily.
- At least one hour of exercise walking everyday. (Don't want to faint at the gym again. Damn you, elliptical.)
- Cigarettes serve as a welcome substitute for food and may be consumed in unlimited amounts.
- If any of these rules are broken, laxatives and/or fasting must follow.
More to come, maybe.